One Size does not (fill in the blank).

So, I highly recommend you go read this http://www.danikabrysha.com/blog/dear-danika-food-addiction-stress-management-and-how-im-finally-finding-peace-and-freedom, knowing that the author is someone I choose to follow on social media and in her blog even though I have specifically chosen not to follow the path she has used to address her eating disorder, and our very definitions of eating disorder and recovery diverge. Here’s why:

1. What if her path is right for you or one of my clients? I have found that I don’t stay on the healthy side of the blurry line between OA and restriction very long, and so it’s not my scene, but recovery is individual.

2. If it’s not your scene either, can you engage with her words as an act of empathic connection with someone whose struggles you share? We’re so quick to judge, and it keeps us separate in our own food and body prisons, rather than forging the community and connections we need to feel seen, heard and not totally nuts.

3. It’s worth it purely for her insight into the absolute brain drain (and effort of futility) that is dieting.

4. Because I’m choosing to put my energy into pumping breast milk these days, rather than blogging much, but I still want you to have good things to read.

[Re-blog] Anne’s Food for Thought: Body Image – 

“What’s in a Number? Hint: Nothing! BMI and/or the number on your scale mean nothing about your health! How can it? Health is so much more than just your height and weight. We are just too complex for such simplicity! Do your body and mind a favor and stop weighing yourself (or letting others weigh you). That scale number is only a measure of your self-worth. Please stop checking your self-worth on the bathroom scale! A better measure would be to ask a good friend why they value you. That is way more meaningful than any information a scale will tell you!”

Source: http://www.foodisnottheenemy.com

Health At Every Size

ASDAH: HAES® Principles.

The above is a link to the Health at Every Size website, and details the principles of that movement. It’s important to me professionally to ensure that folks know that I’m not in the business of telling people to lose weight, although I sometimes reference weight management or body composition changes because those are things I support clients with when it’s medically or personally warranted. For example, if my client loves to kayak, and her body size is interfering with her ability to participate in that activity, and she wants to take a look at food choices, sleep, exercise and stress management (all of which impact body size), we’re going to do that. Another example would be if my client has a lifestyle related disease such as diabetes or chronic joint problems. If, however, she’s eating well, sleeping well, managing stress well and functioning well in her professional and personal life, but just doesn’t like the the way she looks, we’re going to have a very different conversation and a very different set of goals related to acceptance and body image.

If you’re living in a body that’s larger than some theoretical image of how you think you “should” look, ask yourself:

Is my body healthy, in terms of how systems function, my energy levels etc? Is my mind healthy? Do the thoughts I think support my well being and ability to move through the world with ease?

Because health truly is possible at every size, and to be frank, it’s far more common for me to encounter folks who are unhealthy and unhappy because they are trying to force their bodies to remain (even slightly) underweight by making impoverished nutritional choices and overexercising.

On a related note, try this. If you’re hungry, go eat something. You’ll feel better. If you’re sad, food’s not really a related phenomenon (unless you’re actually sad because you’re not eating enough dietary fat which does a number on the brain and tends to give rise to feelings of depression and anxiety) and a snack probably isn’t what you need. Just saying.

 

Prioritize Your Priorities.

Somewhere along the line, I read an article that suggested I compare my stated priorities with the list of activities most engaged in. For example, I wouldn’t call checking Facebook a priority, and I frequently express frustration that I haven’t been able to consistently find time to do strength training now that I have two kids. However, I definitely spend 20 minutes per day on Facebook… And guess how long my strength training routine is?

I have since made righting those kind of inconsistencies a priority, which is part of how this blog began to develop a fine layer of dust over it: I love to read, and I decided that when I have a block of time where I can’t be active because my daughter has fallen asleep on my lap and I’m not moving until she wakes up, I wanted to read rather than spend time on a screen doing social media or blogging. I have been increasingly excited about using essential oils to enhance my own wellness and manage my mood (as well as for cleaning, and making food taste awesome), so I’ve been using my “found” formerly wasted on social media time to read and learn as much as I can about the topic (feel free to contact me if you’d like to learn more yourself!).

What I have discovered is that social media is definitely a lower priority than my actions were making it, even though I could have told you that I already believed it was not a priority. However, I did really miss expressing my thoughts and ideas and connecting with folks here on my blog, so I’ve recommitted to posting a bit more frequently than every 48 days.

So, do yourself a favor… Make a list of what you believe your priorities are, and note where you would like to be spending more time e.g. if nourishing yourself well is a priority, and you’re frustrated that you don’t seem to have enough time to do prep tasks like hard-boiling a week’s worth of eggs or getting a week’s worth of snack veggies into Tupperware, that line on your list gets highlighted. Next, for 1-3 days, jot down or note in your phone what you have been doing each hour. Comparing these two lists is a great way to find time you’re wasting on low priority activities without realizing it.

We all get the same 24 hours: how do you want to be spending yours?

From my Inbox:

I subscribe to emails from Jen Comas Keck of http://www.beautyliesinstrength.com because I have found that witnessing the journeys of other women who are trying to figure out the whole food/body/soul/self equation in a multitude of ways is super helpful. This was a recent offering of hers. Note that Jen is a nutrition coach, former figure competitor and power lifter, which is not my context or perspective, and likely isn’t yours either, and that she’s not addressing eating disorders per se, but rather the low grade body image concerns and disordered relationships women often have with food regardless of diagnosis. Her words follow:

“Should I Lose Weight?”

“Should I try to lose weight? Sometimes I wonder if I should try to get leaner.”

I was at Sushi Samba in the Palazzo in Vegas a couple of weeks ago with an amazing group of people. There was never a lull in the conversation, which ranged from business, to religion, and then training, and on to food, which inevitably led to …

Body composition.

Dieting.

Fat loss.

It seems to be a hot topic when I’m around, and with both Molly and I sitting there, it wasn’t a surprise that it came up. Helping women become healthier, stronger, and feel better is our jam. While we never initiate these types of conversations, people often want to talk to us about our work, and are interested in hearing our opinions.

But, back to our girlfriend.

Let me tell you a little bit about her, because as you know, context always matters, and this scenario is no different.

First off, she is a beautiful woman both inside and out.

She is a Professor for not one, but two, Master’s courses at a University, all while working on her thesis for her PhD that is due later this year.

She is married, very involved with her community, and cherishes her social life.

To say she is busy would be putting it mildly.

She consistently makes time for exercise, and makes really solid nutrition choices the overwhelming majority of the time. She is healthy, radiant, and fit.

Even though she is healthy, she still had that niggling question in the back of her mind that so many women do:

Should I try to lose some weight?

I followed up to her question with one of my own, “Why?”

“I don’t know…” she told me. “I just feel like maybe I’m supposed to. But the thing is, I’m already eating pretty well, and I exercise consistently.”

“What kind of changes do you think you could make to get results?” I asked her.

She paused for a moment, and then, with the saddest face I’ve ever seen, said, “I guess I could give up my weekly dinner and wine night with the girls. And I suppose I could stop going to breakfast with my husband on the weekends….”

Stop. Stop. Stop.

We are talking about a woman who is healthy and fit. One that is so richly scheduled that her weekly dinner and wine night with her girlfriends, and weekend breakfasts with her husband are the highlight of her week. Are we seriously going to pull the plug on those things so she can lose – maybe – four or five pounds?

NO.

Instead of voicing my opinion as strongly as I did above, I asked her the following question:

“What is going to bring you more overall happiness? Continuing to have dinner and wine with your girls once a week, and breakfasts out with your husband on the weekend, or really having to buckle down to lose a few measly pounds?”

“Well, the dinners and breakfasts, for sure.” she said. “Thank you. I had never looked at it that way.”

When it comes to setting our goals, it’s important to figure out the why.

Do you need to lose fat to feel better and improve your health? If so, that is completely understandable, and you know that I’m an ardent supporter of improving quality of life.

But… if you’re trying to lose a bit of body fat just because it’s what you think you’re “supposed” to do, or that is what society thinks you should be doing, eff that.

Shooting you straight,

always and forever,

Jen

PS. Go to Happy Hour at Sushi Samba next time you’re in Vegas. Trust me.

 

Why the why is so key.

The Whole30 I did recently with my partner can definitely be filed under the heading context matters. The program was a no-brainier for him: struggling with IBS, overweight and taking a hit in the self esteem department, he was a prime candidate for a lifestyle change. My context, on the other hand, was a bit different: having spent a good part of my adolescence and 20s struggling with an eating disorder, and breastfeeding our infant exclusively, I was (appropriately) apprehensive about any plan that involved restricting my food intake. But, I am the primary food shopper and menu planner in our family (by inclination and by choice) so I really wanted to find a way to make a Whole30 work because it wasn’t realistic for him to do one without me, and supporting his health is an “I love you” I want to choose every time.

I did my due diligence, including reading and rereading this important article, and talking with friends and a counselor before deciding to take the plunge. The vestigial ghostly eating disordered part of my mind knew that, done mindlessly, this was a perfect chance to accidentally get too skinny, and I had to have daily conversations with that voice to keep myself honest.

I did a number of things in order to intentionally “fail” at losing weight on the Whole30 as a breastfeeding Mama in eating disorder recovery. This was not easy, friends. I had the “perfect” opportunity to relapse, and it required real intentionality to choose self love and health throughout. (I’m bragging right now. I am very proud of myself. Just saying.) I cut out any exercise beyond the babywearing up and down the stairs with laundry variety. I put gobs of coconut milk in my coffee. Breakfast was three eggs, a sweet potato spread with ghee and a palm full of olives. I ate dinner portions 150% larger than my partner, who is five inches taller than me and a former ice hockey player. To steal Melissa Hartwig’s phrase, I ate all the things.

When we weighed ourselves again after the month long program, I had stayed exactly the same weight, which while a disappointment to the ghost, was a victory and a milestone on the path of my ongoing recovery. (My partner, on the other hand, reports that his IBS has literally never been better managed and that he lost a significant and healthy amount of weight.) I did have a number of non-scale victories over the course of the month, by the way. My sleep, digestion and overall energy levels all improved. I broke a nasty MyFitnessPal habit I had developed postpartum. I reset my sweetness meter. I actually made more milk for my baby. Wins.

So why am I sharing this? Because choices. Because mindset. Because motives. These all matter enormously. So often in recovery, it’s not what you’re doing or what’s on your plate, but why. Many people do a Whole30 to lose weight, but it doesn’t have to be about that at all. Same goes for anything else you or I choose to undertake, be it exercise, a relationship, a career change… all of these can be recovery wins or purposeful self-sabotage.

You choose.